Floating down a long hallway, either side lined with gigantic, silver tubes. Ride the elevator to the clean room, where they’re doing the experiments. Screaming. A woman in a white lab coat struggling to unlock a cage. Another baby rhesus monkey trying to strangle itself with its own hands. Read more of the latest story at Writepop: "Rerun"
Max took to making nightly patrols of the village, exploring deeper and deeper into the forest, but he didn't find so much as a footprint. Perhaps the children had been devoured by the birds, or something even worse. Luna said that the darker recesses of the forest held a kind of carnivorous spider. The way she described them made them sound like crawling, venomous piranhas. Read more of the latest story at Writepop: "Silk"
"Making even a tiny change is like playing a game of marbles: you shoot one marble across the circle, it collides with another, and that one collides with a third... The consequences of major changes are extremely complex and take years to calculate. So, while we may step on a butterfly now and then, we generally stay away from changing history. But this trip won't change anything. That's the beauty of it!" Read more of the latest story at Writepop: "Trip of a Lifetime"
Reasons to buy my book: Do people think you're boring? Use the stories in this book as anecdotes to tell at parties! Simply insert your name wherever it says "cannibal serial killer." More reasons to buy my book
So you want to become a Canadian... Although Americans are quick to tease Canadians, many of us secretly envy our neighbors to the north. Sure, Canada is cold and there are French people, but their Rush is a lot better than our Rush. In fact, there's a lot to love about Canada! So you want to become a Canadian...
"I have made a startling scientific discovery that may prove useful... The Union Navy has been watching over the Atlantic trade routes, even offering escorts to the ships carrying the most expensive cargo. And so, I traveled where the Union would never follow me: the waters of Antarctica..." Read more of the latest story at Writepop: "Southern Fried Squid"
Parenting Tips: Cartoons are very educational. Everything I know about opera I learned from Bugs Bunny. (This sentence still works if you replace "Bugs Bunny" with "Road Runner" and "Opera" with "rocket-powered roller skates".) Read more parenting tips
Valentine's Day Tips: No matter how romantic it may seem at the time, never get a tattoo of a lover's name. When my girlfriend, Robin, dumped me, it was $200 to remove my "I love Robin" tattoo, so I just added "...and also Batman." Read more Valentine's Day tips
Job Hunting Tips: You can jazz up any resume by adding some suspense. "I have a master's degree from Cornell University... Or do I?" Read some more of my Job Hunting Tips
"If you're going to get him back," Captain Colossus said, "you're going to need forty-three cereal box tops." Read more of the latest story at Writepop: invasion of the Borings